I had it right in the palm of my hand.

I am so fucking tired of this dating thing and I have been doing it for less than two months. It is fucking exhausting. It makes me think things about myself I wouldn't otherwise think. It makes me feel sad when I should otherwise feel good. It makes me terrified of a future spent alone. It lowers my self confidence, it makes me feel dependent, and it just god damned stresses me out. I had everything I ever wanted in the palm of my young, happy little hand. and POOF. Gone. Now I have to start all over again and it just isn't fair. I am so desperately lonely, the loneliness is tangible, real, physical, visceral. I just want to love someone and have them love me back. I just want to cultivate a family, a partnership, a life with someone I love who fucking loves me back. I am beginning to think, again, that I just am not one of the chosen who get to have what they want. 14 year old me is dying inside.