There is a solar eclipse happening right now. I made a little pinhole viewer out of a cereal box and my dad, mom and I have been checking it out for like an hour and a half. It felt like such a nice cool way to spend an afternoon with my family, it made my heart warm. I was sharing a rare experience with my parents, and it felt good.
Then I walked outside and a man was driving by my house. I glanced in the car and I SWEAR it was KC's doppelganger, his fucking living twin or something, driving right in front of my house. He was even wearing a backwards hat and leaning in the car the same EXACT way KC did when he was driving. In the span of a millisecond I felt this huge surge of excitement and hope and dread and despair. I know that KC is gone forever, but eyes do play tricks I suppose. I thought for the smallest second that KC was back, and he was in a white BMW, and he was here for me. And all at the same time he's gone again.
Fuck my life, man. The very second things seem to start lining up, it gets thrown again. I wonder when I can relax again, feel connected again, feel lit up from the inside like I did when I was living with KC and not living in constant pain.
I am reaching for some sort of irony or parallel or meaning in this rare, solar eclipse. Is it so simple as blocking the light from my life? Darkness taking over where there once was light? the good news? The world keeps turning and the sun becomes visible yet again, I guess my eclipse just hasn't finished yet....
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