i think it's a big step to ask the question and decide "not yet." emotions are complicated, they don't often work in a straight line like that. your brain is ready and possibly even your body, but your heart isn't. not *yet*. but this isn't a one-time question, it's one that is recurring, and one day, the answer may change.
unfortunately for you, the long, difficult road to that answer is the healthy one. i've asked this question in my own life, and it has never been answered because the way *i* deal with things means that i shut down all emotions that feel difficult. so, even though i can date, it's not me. that probably sounds really confusing to you, or anyone who isn't totally crazy. but it's really how things are. and it's no way to live.
your heart is broken, but you haven't hidden any of the pieces. you're still whole, and therefore in a lot of pain. me? i feel nothing. but i'm also *never* fully me.
so when i grieve for you, and i wish i could fix it, i can't help but remind myself that the pain you're feeling makes you human, and means you're going to heal. the hard way, sure. yes. absolutely. but you're strong. and you're not going to break.
i think it's a big step to ask the question and decide "not yet." emotions are complicated, they don't often work in a straight line like that. your brain is ready and possibly even your body, but your heart isn't. not *yet*. but this isn't a one-time question, it's one that is recurring, and one day, the answer may change.
ReplyDeleteunfortunately for you, the long, difficult road to that answer is the healthy one. i've asked this question in my own life, and it has never been answered because the way *i* deal with things means that i shut down all emotions that feel difficult. so, even though i can date, it's not me. that probably sounds really confusing to you, or anyone who isn't totally crazy. but it's really how things are. and it's no way to live.
your heart is broken, but you haven't hidden any of the pieces. you're still whole, and therefore in a lot of pain. me? i feel nothing. but i'm also *never* fully me.
so when i grieve for you, and i wish i could fix it, i can't help but remind myself that the pain you're feeling makes you human, and means you're going to heal. the hard way, sure. yes. absolutely. but you're strong. and you're not going to break.
<3 i admire you.